Sojourners

March 8, 2010 10:46 PM

Ethical Spirit Rest

Hey, anybody who still reads this! Hopefully I can make blogging something of a normal occurrence, instead of the random, every 4th month impulse that it currently is. And to be honest, it's not because of lack of material. God and man have both been working hardcore on my brain, challenging everything that makes me settle and redefining my expectations of both. A few points that I've been thinking about:

Rest, My People!
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God, when we're finally reconciled with Him, understands that we are, by nature, weary! What was designed to be a holy creation is bogged down not only by personal sin and shortcomings, but by the sin and shortcomings of others. I've been thinking about eternity a TON lately, and I think that I can't comprehend it because I can't comprehend COMPLETE and TOTAL rest! To eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired, and have all of it be GOD in a beautifully obvious way. Looking at the Bible, even the greatest, most righteous people never enter that peace here on earth, it's something as foreign to us as the garden of Eden. As we pass through this vaporous earth into eternity, let's at least learn to desire rest! Not comprehend it, but certainly see it for what it is as something so good from someBODY so good, which brings me to my next thought.

Ethical God?
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There's something innately unsettling to me about the idea of heaven and hell, which I'm sure there is for everybody, just the idea that a loving God could send people (and allegedly a good majority of them) to everlasting punishment and isolation. While I personally have reconciled to go against my impulse that says this method is downright evil, and trust that God has it all figured out, I raise a different question. If God knows that we struggle with this idea so much, and that it would be a 'deal breaker' of sorts for many people, why not give us either more information on his plan or wire us differently to understand this better? Why give us the ethics system that we have now? And how do I align this natural ethic to His?

Flow in Tune
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Let's admit it, guys; we can't do this on our own AT ALL! There's so much disappointment engraved into the very idea of morality, I think that's why grace has to be free. We don't have any means to pay for it! The great, righteous men and women of the Bible understood that moving in tune with God was more necessary than trying to achieve morality for morality's sake. Now that the Holy Spirit has been given like fire to us, moving in tune with salvation, and mercy, and compassion, and love, and God has never been easier! It just requires simple, simple submission. STOP trying, START living right.

November 24, 2009 9:17 PM

O, Porcupine!

Without a queen the locust swarm
Turned the ground to black,
Descending like a shadowy tower opon a fish's back.
And scattered the sticks who crawled
Like snakes in the sand,
As the red clay took the form of a lizard,
Who rushed like a moth to the flame of my open hand

(My little world...in my sad little world...)

Then a speckled bird humbly inspired
Ran across the road when it could have flown,
And it made me smile.
And at the water's edge, Babylon;
As we lay and slept,
The river wept for you, Zion!
The stones cry out,
Bells shake the sky!
All of creation groans...

SHHHH!

Listen to it!

Messes of men in farmer poverty;
Not much for monks, but we pretend to be;
Share a silent meal and a pot of chamomile.
Gypsies like us should be stamped in solidarity.
And I held you in my fond but distant memory,
While waiting for the Mother Hen to gather me,
Who regretfully wrote:

"You have a decent ear for notes,
But you can't yet appreciate harmony."

O porcupine, low in the tree; your eyes to mine:

'You'd be well inclined not to mess with me.'

And at the garden's edge beneath a speechless sky,
As his friends slept,
Jesus wept - and it's no wonder why.
You wanna be set free?
You wanna set me free?!
Well that can only come from
A union with the One Who Never Dies.

[In my little world, in my sad little world, I patched a plaster wall
In my little world, I was waiting, just dying
To take offense at something.
In my little world, in my little world, in my sad little world
This is all there is in my little world.

In darkness a light shines
On me.

In darkness a light shines
On you.

Oh what'd I say?!

I never gathered figs from a thorny branch,
(Oh what'd I say?!)
I never picked a grape off a bramble bush!
(Oh what'd I say?!)
For the past five; almost six years now,
(Our Lord is come!)
You haven't once looked at me with kindness in your eyes;
(Oh what'd I say?!)
And you say Judas is a brother of mine?
(Oh what'd I say?!)
Oh, but sister in our darkness a light shines!
(Oh what'd I say?!)
And all I ever want to say for the rest of my life,
(Oh What'd I say!)
Is how the light is GOD!
(Our Lord is come!)
And through I've been mistaken on this or that point,
That light is God.

November 24, 2009 9:09 PM

R.I.P. Levi

Hey all, sorry I've been busy with more pressing matters lately than writing a blog post, things like working and writing a novel and having real interaction with people concerning my thoughts, and my heart. But I'm bored tonight, so I guess I'll share with you guys what's been on my heart lately.

I've been reading "The Naked Gospel" by Andrew Farley, it was recommended to me by Shane Kuester and we've discussed it often. I must say that the gospel as the gospel depicts it is overwhelmingly refreshing and surprising. I feel like I'm alive for the very first time and it's so freeing and yet I desire righteousness still, except I'm not guilted into doing good, it's what comes naturally. The idea- the truth really -that my spirit has been born again and I have the righteousness of Christ lifts so much weight of sin off my shoulders I feel 20 pounds lighter. And it's so crazy that all of this can be found by dying. By giving myself up to Christ and letting Him live instead of me, how crazy and simple and yet so dilluted by religion and works. Sad, really, so many people missing out on life as it was made to be lived.

That was me once too, but no longer.

September 25, 2009 4:15 PM

Weeding

I've always had an interest in weeding. You know, pulling up weeds. I mean, who really wants weeds in their garden? They're destructive, disguised as beautiful at times, but steal nutrients from the rest of the garden. The only problem with my desire to get rid of weeds is that for some reason I can never do it right. I pull from the base firmly and slowly but I never get the roots out. I eliminate my view of the weed, but there's still the roots there, and sooner than later it sprouts back up. Very annoying! How much is this like our sin?

Think about it, sin disguises itself as something beautiful at times, but always destroys our fruit and steals our life away. We can try as hard as we want to get rid of it ourselves, but our hearts still hold the roots and it always comes back. This is always very discouraging, as (in my own personal life) I really do desire to get rid of sin but no matter how many times I "pull it out" of the garden of my life it grows back. How many of you have felt like this sometimes? I'm sure a great majority. Luckily I know this guy who's an amazing gardener and He can get the weeds all the way to the root. His name is Jesus.

We can't get rid of our sin, only Jesus can do that, all we have to do is let him weed it out. But, you may ask, I've let Jesus weed my sin out and I still sin, what's up with that? The only thing I can imagine is that we plant weeds back into our own gardens! Let's stop planting weeds in our own gardens, ok? Let's give control of the garden permanently to Christ.

September 18, 2009 6:10 PM

Goodbye, I! (mewithoutYou)

the farmer drove his tractor
where the soil had been tilled
planting corn in rank and file
from the silo to the lumber mill
he rode along in silence
as looked out past the honeysuckle field
watched the water turn
turn the water wheel
started thinking about his daughter's affection
her reaction of disdain
the day he replaced the blue hydrangea
with the climbing grain
while her disappointed sister
looked on quiet as the snow
knowing well that those that know don't talk
and those that talk don't know

but she couldn't help but sing

the tortoise in the wheelchair
wrapped his forehead in a bandage
with a cast they made from plaster
for his phony broken leg
so he'd get pushed around the sidewalk
by the zookeeper's assistant
with the hummingbird obeserving
from behind the yellow flower
and he flapped his tiny wings
they moved so fast you couldn't see them
with resentment for the tortoise
which was clear by his expression
but the tortoise turned and smiled
with a peacefulness which proved
that there's a movement in our stillness
and however much we move

we're bound to stand completely still

come tortoise, standing still
go hummingbird, my will
come tortoise, stumbling blind
go hummingbird, my eyes
come tortoise, empty hand
go hummingbird, my plan
come tortoise, undefined
go hummingbird, my mind
come tortoise, letting go
go hummingbird, i know
come tortoise, come and die
go hummingbird, my I
goodbye, I
goodbye, I
bye, bye, bye

September 10, 2009 11:02 PM

Messes of Men (mewithoutYou)

"I do not exist,"
we faithfully insist
sailing in our separate ships,
and in each tiny caravel-
tiring of trying, there's a necessary dying
like the horseshoe crab in its proper season sheds its shell
such distance from our friends,
like a scratch across a lens,
made everything look wrong from anywhere we stood
and our paper blew away before we'd left the bay
so half-blind we wrote these songs on sheets of salty wood

you caught me making eyes at the other boatmen's wives
and heard me laughing louder at the jokes told by their daughters
I'd set my course for land,
but you well understand
it takes a steady hand to navigate adulturous waters
the propeller's spinning blades held acquaintance with the waves
as there's mistakes I've made no rowing could outrun
the cloth low on the mast like to say I've got no past
but I'm nonetheless the librarian and secretary's son
with tarnish on my brass and mildew on my glass
I'd never want someone so crass as to want someone like me
but a few leagues off the shore, I bit a flashing lure
and I assure you, it was not what it expected it to be!
I still taste its kiss, that dull hook in my lip
is a memory as useless as a rod without a reel
to an anchor-ever-dropped-seasick-yet-still-docked
captain spotted napping with his first mate at the wheel
floating forgetfully along, with no need to be strong
we keep our confessions long and when we pray we keep it short
I drank a thimble full of fire and I'm not ever going back

Oh, my God!

"I do not exist," we faithfully insist
while watching sink the heavy ship of everything we knew
if ever you come near I'll hold up high a mirror
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

mewithoutYou never ceases to amaze me with their lyrics, it's really quite ridiculous. I'll be trying to post lyrics more often to fill the dead gaps of my blog that you all have grown accustomed to, and then every once and awhile wow you with an actual post. Yippee!

September 7, 2009 1:52 PM

I'm Not Running (Cool Hand Luke)

For the message
Of the cross is
Foolishness
To those who are perishing
But to us
Being saved
It’s the power
Of God (I Corinthians 1:18)

There’s no turning back
Unless we’re turning back to you

I’m not running away from this
I’m not falling asleep
I’m not taking a bribe from anyone for anything
I’m not running away from this
I’m not falling asleep
I’m not turning back on the one thing that I know

We’re the foolish
We’re the weak ones
We’re the lowly
And despised things that are not
God will take us
He will shape usHe will make us
Nullify the things that are (I Corinthians 1:27-28)
There’s no turning back
Unless we’re turning back to you

I have given up on breathing and all I need is You
I am never going down for air again

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I only wish I could write songs like this

August 31, 2009 5:31 PM

Grace

It seems that the theme of this year for me has been grace. And grace is one of those words that's thrown around by those fluent in "christianese", so to say that it was the theme of this year is a bit abstract at first. But let me explain what grace means to me, and maybe it'll be a bit more fitting as a theme.

This year I've run. I've run from God, from family, from who I really want to become and I ran into what I thought I wanted to be. As is the usual custom for selfish people, I got knocked down, humbled beyond belief and humiliated on a couple different occasions. The worst part about this humbling, and what makes it different from the usual humbling experience, is that I had rejected God as well. Can you imagine that? Telling the person who loves you the most to leave your life, to forget about you or the former love you had for them.

When you hit rock bottom, and you're from a Christian family, the logical choice is to run back to God and what you once had. I wanted to run back to God, but not to what I once had, a one way relationship where I benefitted from God's goodness and didn't give Him the time of day. And this is where grace comes in so heavily. For the first time in my life I knew that I didn't know where I needed to go next. God knows my heart and my mind, so He knew that I didn't know what to do, and He simply said "I'll take care of the rest". To be so worn down and weary there's no sweeter sound than God saying "I love you child, let me take care of the rest". And that's what grace is to me in a way. In spite of me spitting in God's face and profaning His name, at the end of it all He still says "I love you" and I don't deserve any part of that.

I've always known what grace is, but I've only started to experience it this year. And even though I wish that I didn't do the things that led to this experience, I'm glad for grace and where it leads.

Where is grace leading you?

August 21, 2009 12:40 PM

Book?

Should I write a book? And if so, what about? I need ideas people, IDEAS!

July 21, 2009 11:22 PM

1 John

In an effort to keep my blog updated more, I'm going to update my blog more.

I read 1 John tonight, and I think it's an awesome book. I think anybody who reads it should feel super compelled. It pretty blatantly says that if we really love God, then we:

Love our brothers

Do what He commands

And, quite frankly, I don't do either of those very well. I try, but it's very hard. I guess this is what Jesus meant when He said that the road is narrow. Also, quite frankly, I don't think ANY of us do this very well. Can we have a round of applause for Grace?

I'd like to remind you guys of Jesus meeting the adulterous woman. The crowd wanted to stone her and He simply said "he who has no sin, cast the first stone" and, of course, everybody walked away. What did He do after that though? He turns to the woman and what does He say? Does He say "ok, go along now, I've got your back"? NO! He says "GO and SIN NO MORE!!" Why do we come out of our sin pit to get washed by blood, only to go back and wallow in our sin?

NO MORE.

Let's start making an effort to obey God.

July 7, 2009 11:06 PM

Ramblings (might not make sense)

OK, so it's been awhile since I've done a blog post, so there's alot of stuff swirling through my tiny head, I'll try and make some sense of it here.

I was listening to a Steve Taylor song and he says "Jesus is for losers" and at first I was like "I disagree with that statement". Jesus is for the good church going folk, right? Well let's look at Jesus. He was all about the "losers" aka tax collectors and prostitutes, and he wasn't too hot on the church goers, the pharisees. So why do we come before the cross trying to hide ourselves from God like Adam and offer up only part of what we are, or worse, what we have? What use does God have for that? I'll say this, and hear me when I do...

GOD DEMANDS OUR ALL

Not all our possessions, not all our emotions, not all our bodies. He demands our love! Our desire! I feel like it all goes back to Abraham. God demanded that he sacrifice Isaac, but did God really desire the blood of a child? Of course not! He wanted Abraham to be willing, to desire God so much that he'd do something, anything. So next time you're wondering if something makes sense before you do it, just do it! Sometimes God makes us do irrational things and rewards us for our faith.

Challenge : Quit dragging your feet and move!

I've also been thinking alot about what Jesus says about the kingdom of heaven, how He gives all these examples of people finding it and going crazy and selling everything they have to get it, and I can't help but wonder... Why doesn't the church give that reaction to what we've found? Did we find the wrong thing?

April 29, 2009 8:57 AM

Somewhere

Somewhere today there's a girl, about 15 years old, who's mutilating her body.

It's the only way she knows to get rid of a pain that's brought on her through a society that doesn't address her real needs. By a school that welcomes you with a vultures smile and a wolf's bite. By a group of peers who can't seem to get past the fact that she looks... well... different.

Today may be the day that she decides to try a different way to let the pain out, normally she takes her dad's razor and cuts on her legs where nobody sees the scars. But she's not one to open old scars. Not today at least.

And somewhere else, there's an 8 year old boy in the heart of africa scared to death as he walks with other kids about his age blowing whistles and making noise to serve as a live barricade for a war that doesn't need to be fought. Nothing more than a bullet shield is he.

And around that same area, there's a man who was born into war, holding a machine gun, being confused and hearing noise, turning and shooting out of fear.

Somewhere, that 8 year old boy lays on the ground, bleeding from the leg and stomach, with nobody around to stop the bleeding or his small tears, there's nobody there. The bullets didn't hit any major organs, catastrophe could've been prevented with simple medical attention.

But somewhere, there's a life that was taken needlessly. And somewhere, there's that girl, still sitting and crying and bleeding all at once because nobody's ever told her they love her, or even like her, or even say that she's ok.

I wonder if they knew that they never needed to shed any blood, Jesus already did that for us.

April 19, 2009 3:43 PM

A Short Story

They stood there in their pews with blood soaked clothes.

Arms raised high, singing the songs they knew so very well, the light reflecting off their red, sticky hands.

They had come to know this place so well, this place was comfortable. Everybody had happy looking smiles hiding broken hearts, they all sucked each other into staying indoors. Outside of the church was a scary place, nobody seemed to believe them when they said that Jesus was Lord, they were regarded as freaks. Nothing but religious nuts.

They couldn't understand how that could be, they memorized every word from the pulpit, they argument was sound, their logic flawless, perfect. If only they knew what was stopping those sinners from joining the righteous, them from "us".

Somebody then dared to walk outside.

They figured it was a scary place, a place where they wouldn't be accepted, a place where they had to work to earn respect, like the son of a rich man in a foreign country. The world didn't care that they were the Children of God, and the Children of God didn't know if the world wanted to know the truth. The truth that the power of Christ changes people. But all the world saw was the blood on their hands.

The Children of God tried different ways of getting rid of the stains that this blood left. They tried learning new worship songs, songs with profound lyrics to sing to their father, and they learned alright. But still the blood dripped from their outstretched hands. They tried being quiet and listening to their pastor share his wisdom and insight, but they couldn't help but whisper amongst each other about the stranger in the back.

This man that dared to go outside was different, he felt as though they worshipped the walls, prayed to the ceiling. He saw Jesus say "Go and make disciples" and wanted that badly. He thought that maybe that whole world out there wasn't as bad as they made it out to be. So he stepped outside.

It was raining. But this wasn't any normal rain. It felt like it was a rain that meant God approved of the man's actions, like God Himself was cheering him on. And then the strangest thing happened.

The man looked down at his shirt, and it looked different. The stains from the blood were gone. He looked at his hands, with the same difference. What a change of everything this makes, he thought. He saw a man in rags sitting by the corner of the old church, with a rusted can that had but a few pennies in it. I've got more money than that, the man said to himself, and he reached into his wallet. The man grabbed a 20 dollar bill, and gave it to the man. Then the strangest thing happened, even stranger than a simple rain getting rid of deep blood stains.

The world took notice.

Then beggar looked up at the man, and pointed out that there was something different about him. After all, the world had only given him what he deserved, a few pennies and quarter. The man shrugged, and told the beggar that he was simply doing what Christ called him to do, to help the poor and the widows.

The beggar replied with a simple "wow, thanks" and then asked if he had anything else. The man took off his coat and gave it to him, and invited the cold man inside the church. At first the beggar was reluctant, after all, he was just a poor man, and the church wasn't a place he would normally be found hanging around. But it was warm in there, so he agreed.

The man walked into the church with the beggar by his side, and the church turned around and saw them. They saw that neither of them had blood on them, and talked amongst each other on how this came to be. The man told them he simply walked outside. Then something really strange happened. The entire church walked outside.

Change happened.

(Levi's notes : This didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted it to, and this is purely fictional, and not meant to bash the church or any church in any way.)

April 8, 2009 11:24 AM

What People Fear

I was contemplating what people fear, what makes people uncomfortable, and one thing kept coming to mind.

Change.

My question is: why do people fear change so much? Isn't change what we need? We talk about it like it's a good thing, like it needs to happen, but nobody's willing to start that change and BE change, and that's where it needs to start. Even in the living, breathing body of Christ people don't like change! But we're not quite perfect, so why shouldn't we change?

BE the change that you want to see. And I'm not just saying that. I've found that if we change OURSELVES, people tend to be different, and that's what this world needs.

"let your hands and feet follow your mouth"

March 27, 2009 6:43 PM

A Parable

I've come up with a good analogy/parable, tell me what you think.

If our mouth represented us, then the closest thing to salvation would be getting braces, I would think. Salvation certainly isn't like putting on lipstick, because that's merely a cosmetic appearance change. It's not like getting surgery to repair your teeth, because that only requires a little bit of difference then you can return to your normal routine. No, salvation is like braces for a number of reasons.

First off, when you get braces you're telling everybody that you recognize something's wrong with your teeth, that you can't fix them on your own, that you need help. That also applies to salvation, there's no more pretending to be strong. Anybody who says they're a Christian yet still tries to do things on their own is confusing to me, because one of the main points of salvation is that we're saying that we can't do it on our own.

Second, it takes a long time for braces to work, and you change the way you treat your teeth because of it. You don't do certain things, but it's in the knowledge that your teeth will be correct after the braces come off. In the same way, our lives are changed by salvation, and even though it seems like it's foolish that we do the things we do at times, it's with the knowledge that we're living under the name of Jesus Christ and that's what heals us.

A couple more comparisons. Sometimes, when people have braces, they have doubts on whether or not their teeth are really gonna be fixed, and they wonder if it's a waste of time, and they get made fun of because, on occasion, they look funny. We all should go through rough patches in our faith where we really wonder if this is true, our faith can't be made stronger unless it's tested. The christian way of life looks funny to the world. Last but not least, where are the teeth? INSIDE of the mouth! The true change happens on the inside!

February 11, 2009 11:36 PM

Opportunity Always Knocks

I've been thinking a lot lately about opportunity: what it is, when and where it happens, and what we can do about it. Let me share some thoughts.

What is opportunity? I've decided that it's anything we make it to be. We can be driving, and see somebody walking, and boom, there's opportunity right there. Opportunity for what though? I could give them a ride, hit them with the car, do anything. But there's always an opportunity to do something.

When does it happen? Where does it happen? Like I said, it's all around us and it's happening all the time! The real question is, what are we doing with all this opportunity? It appears to be very abundant!

I've never quite understood people who sit and ponder what God wants them to do. I mean, it's good to try and understand the big picture, and that should never be taken lightly. But look at what God lays out for us in the Bible! Take care of the poor and the widows, turn the other cheek, live your life in a way that's different! The opportunity's there, what are you gonna do with it?

Be looking for opportunity to help somebody this week, because "whatever you do for the least of these, you do unto me".

February 2, 2009 5:27 PM

Scripture

I'm sitting here listening to Shane and Shane sing their song "Psalm 145" and every time I listen to scripture being sung it's the most beautiful thing in the world. Which begs the ever repetitive question; what's stopping us from become completely enveloped in the Word of God and, more importantly, God Himself?

I grow so weary of this cycle! Constantly telling myself that I'll commit myself to God simply to fall again!

But maybe, just maybe, our idea of following God is to live a sinless life when we all know that it's unattainable? Maybe by admitting that I'm a screw-up and constantly turning to God through my human nature is better than trying to blindly lead a perfect life that we'll never live. Maybe through my blunders, as long as I'm repentant and trying to focus on God, my faith is truly being refined.

So when you're struggling with a temptation, or constantly being faced with your sin, don't give up hope! Keep turning to God, and in the end your faith will only be sharper because of your trials.

January 25, 2009 10:35 PM

Clouds

Is your love really Love?
Is my love really Love?
I think our love isn't Love,
Unless it's Love to the end.

Is your god really God?
Is my god really God?
I think our god isn't God,
If he fits inside our heads.

As Cities Burn - Clouds

January 9, 2009 5:12 PM

Testing Faith

I've been thinking lately about what the Bible says about testing our faith, and had this thought about it.

Why are we so afraid to test our faith? If we're truly ascertaining that our God is perfect, then by all means we should constantly be testing what we know from a Biblical standpoint, because if He is indeed irrefutable then testing our faith will only strengthen it. It seems like the Church is more than ever blindly heading into the future without a strong faith, or a completely blind faith. And while there's naturally an inherent blindness to faith, by blindly I mean not grounded firmly in the word of God.

Don't be afraid to test your faith, I'm sure that God will pull through!

December 22, 2008 6:33 PM

What We Do

There's been recent circumstances lately that have got me thinking...

My friend did something foolish- not sinful, mind you. Simply a poor decision -and I rebuked him for it. He's somebody who wants to be a leader in the church and he shunned my rebuke. He insists that since what he did wasn't a sin, it's ok for him to do it. But there's something he doesn't quite get.

If we're to be leaders- even if we're to be simple Christians -we're held to a standard by man as well as by God's commandments! We're the very body of Christ, man cannot see Christ, except through us! So even when we do something that's not sinful, maybe it's just foolish (and not foolish in a good way, mind you, like the foolishness of the Gospel to man), we're still going to be judged by the world as the body of Christ if we claim to be Christians. So we should live our lives as Daniel did, when the other rulers looked for a fault and couldn't find one, not even something foolish!

What are you doing to live up to the standard that Christ set? We all slip us, yes, but let's turn to Christ as our rock, not our human foolishness!